Saturday, June 18, 2011

Who I am, how I got here

I experienced something this morning that I just had to put out there.  I sometimes wonder at our roles in our families as the fat members, or in many cases here, formally fat members.  I have struggled with my weight since late in high school.  I have two sisters that are fairly average, one tends to get chunkier than the other, my  youngest sister tops out at 140 and she feels "fat".  Mom and Dad are fairly small  people and besides my brother who is 6' I am the next tallest at 5'6".  All my life my role in the family has been the fat one.  Oh, yeah, I forgot, I have an aunt who is fatter.  Whoo hooo.  Anyhow, I think I was also bigger than her at one point. 

That being said, I have had many achievements in my life.  I have given birth to and raised two beautiful young men, 18 and 21.  I have earned a college degree and I am a professional in my field.  I have successfully maneuvered my way through a painful divorce and now find myself in a very rewarding relationship.  Yet, no matter my achievements, my worth has always been dictated by my weight.  I can document many episodes of how my weight has affected my life in my family.  The most painful yet has to be when I was so heavy that my father refused to dance with me at my little sisters wedding.  Sad but heck I'm still here, still working every day on making myself a healthier person.  I've ridden the weight roller coaster for years now, I so want to get off soon.

Anyhow, what brings me here this morning is something I got in the mail.  It was a greeting card.  hmmmmmm, what is this? I'm not a father, shouldn't be getting a Father's Day card, my birthday is in March and Mother's Day is long gone.  So I see it is from my Mother and Father.  I open the card and inside is a "congratulations on your weight loss" card.  If anyone feels I am being snarky here or wish that they had gotten something like that from their parents, I apologize heartily.  I am merely giving my gut reaction to this card that I got.  I guess I compare it to the fact that I never got a card when I graduated college as an adult after my divorce, or when my children graduated highschool and went to college, or even when I entered my field of profession and was proud of myself.  But I got a card for losing weight!  ~sighs~  It is starting to feel like I am now being accepted for losing weight and I will be invited back into the fold as a "normal sized" person.

I love my parents dearly but instead of bringing a smile to my face that card brought a tear to my eye.


  1. got sent a card for losing weight???? OMG....I can imagine just standing there reading the card and wondering how I should react ...and then I'd laugh at the insanity of it all.

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